Friday, August 13, 2010

New Discoveries...

….”What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day.
“Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” …..
- The Velveteen Rabbit

While reading entries from my beloved old blog; it dawned on me that I am not the same person I once was. The change must have happened gradually since I don’t remember feeling it happen, it just was one day. I sat and read entries dated back years ago, years before Lily was ever in the horizon. These entries seemed to have been written by someone far younger with success and disappointments which I vaguely remember. Life was simple…as if something was missing.

Becoming a mother has been by far my greatest challenge, and all together my biggest wish come true. It comes with new found fears, anxieties, tears, laughter, smiles, miracles, but above all a love so profound I am at a loss for words. Though I am daily trekking through this new land of motherhood with caution, I am finally feeling Real.

This blog is a documentation of who I am, who has brought me to this point, and who I will become. In other words, I’m on the brink of a new discovery…